To The Best Thing That's Ever Been Mine (An Open Letter)

First of all, I just want you to know that I did love you. I am so sorry that we have to end up like this. I never thought I'd find myself in this place, but you ultimately put me here. I can't tell if I am mad or what. It just feels like it happens so fast. It's sad someone you loved can turn into a complete stranger. 

Thank you for the wonderful 5 years we'd shared. I don't regret being with you. Like we used to say, we are not only a couple, but we are best friends. Yeah, best friends. How I wish I can save the friendship. The friendship that made us even stronger. Every moment we've shared gets lost in the past. Every kiss, every laugh and smile forgotten only to remember the fights, lies, and the pain. How can I live without you now when I couldn't even imagine how my life was before I met you? 

I gave way too many chances. But it doesn't work out so I stop giving chances even if you mean a lot to me and I love you with everything I have. We are always getting hurt and we always get disappointed, and that right there, it's not love, if we continue we'll get hurt eventually. So what I did is what I think is good for both of us, let go. It's so hard, but I did it for our sanity. For you to be happy and for me to find someone that will steal my heart and that's when I'll realize that everything does happen for a reason.

I truly thought that we'd have a future together, but as time passes, things change. No matter how much I think it was going to last forever, I guess sometimes I really need to get hurt in order to appreciate the next one. And I have to forget what I want to remember what I deserve. 

One day, you're going to miss my little text messages I give you. You're going to miss how I always make you laugh. You're going to miss how I used to worried about you when you're out too late. You're going to miss my annoyingness. And now that I'm gone, you're going to miss how you actually had someone that actually wanted you. 

I am just really upset at the way that I left things. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I'm sorry I'm such a brat and didn't give you any space. I'm sorry that I intruded into your new circle of friends. These past couple of months have been really stressful for me, and I am sorry that I took that out to you. I'm sorry that I couldn't be really fun, bright, bubbly person you used to know. I tried to get involved in the things I really like and I tried to stay positive, but sometimes it was just really hard and you're not there for me. I'm sorry that all I did was to whinge and be negative. I'm really sorry that I'm so selfish and didn't take my eyes off of my own problems to be there for you. Maybe somehow I am not your 'perfect girlfriend'.

I hope we can save the friendship since we belong to a same circle. Your love is something that I will cherish and you have been such an amazing boyfriend and best friend to me. And I don' want to let anything else affect that friendship. It's just that this adjustment is going to be harder for me that it will be for you. I know that your feelings for me have changed. I know that it doesn't seem like it, but I accept the things change and I'm not going to push you to pretend you feel something you don't. 

I am leaving you because I'm losing myself. I wish you the best in life. You deserve nothing less than a genuine happiness. Thank you for everything.

Maybe someday, we'll meet again and realize that we were always meant to be but we just met because the timing wasn't right. Maybe we could try again or we can be friends again. Maybe that's just how things ought to be. 

xoxo,

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